You know what's worse than when an editor complains about lazy bastards? When the editor becomes a lazy bastard. I guess that's the best explanation for why we've gone about a year and a half without a new rant. I'll take the blame for that since it's my job to make sure this jalopy runs even when it's low on gas.

Then, I'll divvy out that blame to the miscreants I have scurrying about beneath my sized-9 Editor in Chief Pumas. Here's to passing the buck! *cracks whip and snarls*

And here's to Colin, who's kind enough to tell you that you're being brainwashed. On with the show!

-Ben

It's An Ad, Ad, Ad, Ad World.

by Colin

Video game advertising sucks. There, I said it, and I dare any of you to disagree. For the most part, ads for video games are some of the most unimaginative, generic examples of the marketing clutter that fill our everyday lives. Almost anyone can name the company that promotes a screaming duck, but who really remembers any recent video game ads?

Well, I do, and believe me, they scrape the bottom of the barrel. Even when they try to be creative, it usually ends up falling into one stereotype or another. Or - and this seems to be happening more and more frequently - they end up going for shock value, hoping your reaction will stop you long enough to buy whatever it is that they are hawking.

Ah, the good old days

Obviously I’m not saying anything revolutionary, and I should have all of you nodding in agreement. And I’m also not taking the position that all ads need to be put out to pasture. While I’d love it if they’d outlaw billboards, I’m not holding my breath that it will happen anytime soon…at least not without a lot of dynamite and an airtight alibi.

What I am saying is that the ads themselves need a little help. The video game industry has matured, but surprisingly, the advertising hasn’t. Very few ads actually communicate directly to the audience, while the vast majority of others depend on shocking imagery and/or sex to get their point across. Don’t get me wrong - I enjoy a good cheesecake shot just as much as the next guy, but when that’s all there is to an ad, it’s plain to see that the ad people aren’t even trying.

So, I submit the following craptacular ads to you. Many of the examples are from old ads, but it’s surprising how little has changed over the last 20 years. You’d think by now some of these practices would be passé.

What’s the easiest way to sell a game? How about an image (either real or hand drawn) depicting part of the gameplay, another image of the game box, then throw in at least one screenshot of gameplay? Lather, rinse, repeat.

Boy, that look like fun...

Think I’m kidding? Check out this ad for the Back to the Future game on the NES, released in 1990. Now take a look at this ad for Armored Core 2, released in 2000. A coincidence? I think not!

The fact of the matter is that what sells a game is the game itself. While occasionally poorly made games sell, usually a good advertising/marketing campaign will not save a horrible game. One might even wonder why the screenshots are still so small. I can understand it in the days of the NES. I mean, let’s face it, the graphics sucked. But now, the graphics in the games are just about as good as any concept art a graphic designer might come up with. Yet still things haven’t changed.

What I don’t understand is the countless number of games and commercials that don’t even bother to show any shot of the gameplay whatsoever. I mean, Mario is Mario, but I’d still like to see what the game looks like. More often than not, when they don’t show you any shot of the game, you can rest assured that the game is either unfinished or just looks terrible. Case in point: Kabuki Warriors.

Gamers, for the most part, aren’t the extreme-skating, hip-clothes-wearing, Ferris-Bueller-acting ladies men that appear in a lot of the commercials and print ads. We don’t identify with those type of people. Heck, we spend half our time making fun of those people while living our quiet solitary lives on the couch swallowing Mountain Dew and Cheetos. Mmm, sarcasm.

Cool glasses, but is that a comb over?

Apparently, advertisers have decided that gamers fall into the two aforementioned categories: extreme dudes or lonely geeks. They fail to recognize that gamers, just like the rest of the population, come in all sizes and shapes (though lets face it - sitting in front of a game screen all day doesn’t do wonders for your waistline).

Just about every game company is guilty of this type of ad. The first run of N-Gage ads were Xtreme to the maxx. Totally rad, dude! And we all know that all the coolest kids will be running to the store to get an N-gage. Um, yeah.

And ask yourself, did anyone really look that cool wearing the Power Glove? Well, okay, maybe Fred Savage in “The Wizard,” but that Power Glove worked a LOT better than the one in real life.

Back in the 80's, companies were doing the same thing. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure was a big hit (which made sense, since Keanu Reeves just had to act stoned), so the geniuses who started the whole cheat device revolution with the Game Genie decided to patronize its users with this awful commercial. Bogus!

The Atari 2600, the most popular console of its day, tried a different approach that has been all but abandoned by recent game companies. It tried selling itself as a family machine. Commercials featuring the whole family gathered around playing together ran for both the Atari and the Intellivision. Interestingly, now that gaming is actually mainstream, catering an ad to the whole family isn’t cool. Apparently, recognizing the gaming audience for what it is isn’t cool. Though I must admit, that’s one rockin’ set of grandparents in that Atari commercial. Man, cocaine sure was big in the 80's.

Sex sells, I mean, seriously. Sex sells really, really well. When TV shows are based around the question “Are you hot?” it is obvious that they are not going for Masterpiece Theater.

In video game advertising, the same applies. When Ridge Racer 5 came out, did any of the ads focus on the game? Nope, just on the rendered hottie they used to promote it. I suppose that makes sense when you’re advertising a game like Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball, but when your game involves car racing, it might be a good idea to put a car or two in the ad. Just a thought.

Sometimes, advertisers miss their target audience by an even wider margin. Wait…decisions made by guys who have never touched a video game in their lives could be wrong? Go figure. But when your largest audience is composed almost exclusively of teenage male, you might not want to use “I can’t believe it’s not butter!” spokesman Fabio. I just don’t get it. I mean, if you’re committed to using Fabio, the least you can do is hang a scantily clad lady off his arm. Remember advertisers, males of any age from 12 to 112 react to boobies, but not when they are on another man.

I’ll only delve into one more type of advertising, and this one is the worst: Shock value. These occur mostly in print, as television has more specific rules regarding what is and is not acceptable.

Some do it intentionally, some don’t, but it’s always a matter of manipulation. I mean, this ad for Mad Dash Racing is one of the grossest I’ve ever seen. Green skid marks in a jock strap. Hmm, that really makes me want to buy your game! Okay, I suppose I get the point that dumping hot sauce down your shorts could theoretically make you run faster, but why not just show a picture of a guy dumping hot sauce down his shorts? Is that too esoteric? Did they really need to show me what by all accounts looks like the after-effects of bad Mexican food? Mad Dash to the bathroom, maybe.

Simple ad, shocking game.

But that ad is nothing compared to one of the latest outings by video gaming’s resident 800-pound gorilla, Electronic Arts. To promote their new game, Medal of Honor: Rising Sun, they put together one of the most offensive ads I’ve seen in a while, especially considering recent world events.

Just look at it, and if you don’t understand why I have a problem with this ad, imagine if it said “Remember 9/11,” had an NYPD logo, and was for one of their the classic games, Desert Strike. The protests would be lining the streets.

Think I’m overreacting? Ask anyone who actually lived through World War II, and I’m sure they’d be more angry about it than I am. The ad trivializes one of the defining events in U.S. history and a moment in which a generation was committed to war. A draft card, whether used or burned, has always had some patriotic meaning to it, and here it’s trashed with lines such as “The law requires you to cook chicken thoroughly.” For a game like Medal of Honor, which fairly realistically recreates the feeling of World War II, this ad does it a great disservice by mocking the very people that risked their lives and made the game possible. Does that mean that it should all be hugs and kisses? No, but how hard is it to show a little respect?

What’s the conclusion? That advertisers are out of touch? That the video game industry needs to update its image? That some people just don’t know the line between tasteful and tasteless? Sure, all those work. I’m not sure there is a solution. As long as there are people working in the game industry who don’t actually play games themselves, I don’t expect there to be much in the way of change.

But here’s a thought – how about we focus less on trying to define the stereotypes and more on trying to show off our games? After all, that’s what we’re left with at the end of the day, just a bunch of code sitting on a CD. No hot rendered women, no hoverboards, no Fabio, and hopefully no green skid marks. Hey, reality TV is all the rage – maybe reality advertising would work, too?

But what do I care. I’m just ranting.

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